Shakespeare's Journey Beyond Sodor
by PolkaDotSideplates
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like.
1. Beginning

**Dramatis Personae**

THOMAS: Cheeky NWR #1 tank engine  
JAMES: Vain NWR #5 tender engine  
TRUCKS: Demonic freight wagons  
MERLIN: Railway wizard  
LEXI: Hopeless castaway  
THEO: Freak child  
FRANKIE: Seductress kidnapper, second-in-command of the Steelworks  
HURRICANE: Head engine of the Steelworks  
BERESFORD: Creepy crane  
SIR TOPHAM HATT: Controller of the NWR  
HENRY: Powerful NWR #  
ROSIE: Vicarstown's station pilot, NWR #37  
HIRO, PERCY, GORDON, EMILY, EDWARD: Friends of Thomas

* * *

 **Prologue**

The Isle of Sodor is the home of steam.  
North Western rails keep engines left for dead,  
On this railway steam engines keep their dream.  
They fear no scrapyard when they fall to bed.  
The branch lines serveth fishing villages,  
The docks, the quarries, farms, and castles.  
Tank engines work hard with their carriages  
Or manage freight cars with little hassle.  
Then there's the main line, Knapford in the west,  
Past stations to the eastern Vicarstown.  
The Wild Nor'Wester pulls so many guests,  
This massive railway is the island's crown.  
But across the Vicarstown Bridge lies the mainland.  
Where steam and even diesels have all just been banned.


	2. Act I, Scene I

**Vicarstown**

 **Enter Henry and Trucks on left, Hiro and Trucks on right.**

 _Truck 1_

Faster! Faster! God's speed, Henry!

 _Truck 2_

We haven't got all day.

 _Henry_

Shut up little devils, if 't be true I'm to taketh thee to Bridlington I'll do't on time.

 _Hiro (aside)_

The signals art faulty, I hope the next train doest not has't an accident. I must warn them with mine whistle.

 _Henry_

Oh dear! Hiro! I cannot stop in time!

 _Hiro_

The world has put upon us this fate. Brace yourselves, trucks!

 **Hiro, Henry, and trucks all collide.**

 _Trucks (from Hiro's train)_

Curse the workers who've left this signal unchecked!

 **These trucks die.**

 _Henry_

I hang from this precipice! Help mine dear friends!  
Or I may fall, giving those below a gruesome end!


	3. Act I, Scene II

**Knapford**

 **Enter Thomas, Annie, and Clarabel on left.**

 _Thomas_

As dawn breaks and a new day begins,  
I begin my duties on mine fair branch line.  
Steam falls from my funnel as mine wheels spin,  
I'll finish my run to Knapford on time.  
Good morrow dear squirr'ls, good morrow dear birds.  
Good morrow dear trees and rabbits and sky.  
This day's fair cannot beest expressed in words,  
But heaven above knows I will damn try.  
I'll sing a pretty song to mine coaches,  
My song helps them run swimmingly.  
I'll have to hurry; Knapford approaches,  
I'll sing my song for them specifically.  
I-

 **Enter James from left.**

 _James_

Somebody hath to be the favorite!  
The one that ev'rybody wants to see!

 _Thomas_

James!

 _James_

Somebody must be better than the rest!  
Somebody must be so good that they're the best!

 **Enter Passengers from right.**

 _James_

Somebody hath to beest the favorite,  
Somebody hath to beest me! Here is James!

 _Thomas_

You're not the favorite, James!

 _James_

Of course I am, little Thomas. Ask anybody.

 _Thomas_

No you're not! And I was going to sing a song just now!

 _James_

Well I shan't intrude. Quiet, everybody! Thomas would like to sing an ode!

 _Thomas_

I can't sing it now. My inspiration has gone!

 **Little Girl smiles hopefully**

 _Thomas_

Maybe if it brightens up the hearts of the children.  
I sing a song to-

 _James_

Sometimes thou hast to blow thy whistle!  
To let the other engines know thou's't near!  
Sometimes thou must make a big fuss and shout!  
To ensure that they are not left in doubt!  
Somebody has to beest the favorite!  
Say good greetings! The favorite is here!

 _Thomas_

You're not Sir Topham Hatt's favorite engine, James!

 _James_

Then explain how 'tis that I get all the best jobs. Thy next job is to collect pigs from the farms, is it not?

 _Thomas_

'Tis my branch line, and 'tis only a noble duty to serve the farmers.

 _James_

Care to know what my next job is? Transporting beautiful music.

 _Thomas_

Thou liest! One cannot carry music! 'Tis only a sound!

 _James_

Look over to the platform, and you'll see I tell the truth;  
A band of musicians awaits their train to Ballahoo.

 **Exit James on right.**

 _Thomas_

That arrogant James, his jobs are just luck,  
I hope that his next job is to pull trucks.

 **Exit Thomas, Annie, and Clarabel. Enter Sir Topham Hatt on telephone from right.**

 _Sir Topham Hatt_

This crash wast terr'ble is all I can say.  
Edward is taking Henry to the works.  
James wilt do Henry's jobs after today.  
He'll take a train to where diesel still lurks.

 **Enter Thomas from left.**

 _Thomas_

What's that I hear? A freight train for James?  
God hath heard my prayer, James doesn't like to pull trucks!

 **Enter James from right.**

 _Thomas_

I just ov'rheard the controller speaking to a friend.  
Henry's had a crash, you'll have to take his train.  
Thy clean streak of coaches has come to an end!  
Thou must pull the trucks to England, then come back here again!

 _James_

Oh woe is me! A flithy, dirty, nasty, goods train?  
But I'm just pretending Thomas, I know of Henry's trip.  
This goods train is a most important goods train.  
The controller's picked me, so you should get a grip.  
I'd not pass this up, I'm versatile, you see.  
What an epic adventure this will be!  
Somebody hath to be the favourite!  
That's just the way it is, thou must agree!  
Some get to see the world and travel far away!  
While other engines have a place they always have to stay!  
Somebody hath to beest the favourite!  
Somebody hath to beest me!

 **Exit James on right.**

 _Thomas_

Sir Topham Hatt, I ask to thee a question.  
Why does James get jobs, but only the best ones?

 _Sir Topham Hatt_

Every job is equal, Thomas. The mail, the fish,  
The express, and your branch line.  
Do not be jealous, Thomas, it could be thy downfall.  
Now who can take that macaroni to Dryaw?

 **Exit Sir Topham Hatt on right.**

 _Thomas_

The Fat Controller isn't fair. He won't give me compensation.  
But I have an idea that isn't above mine station.  
I'll steal James' train, and set off on my journey,  
But first I have to get those trucks from Rosie…


	4. Act I, Scene III

**Vicarstown**

 **Enter Rosie and Trucks from right.**

 _Rosie_

They say the early bird catches the worm.  
But what worm am I attempting to catch?  
Ev'ry morning a sleeping engine squirms,  
As firelighter makes my fire with a match.  
I can't sleep at all, someone haunts my dreams,  
The handsome Thomas, oh how I miss thee.  
His paintwork and character always gleams.  
But my job makes me work much farther east.  
I long to see his lovely face again,  
But I work here, shunting trucks when they're needed.  
They say love isn't necessary for a woman,  
If that is true, then love this exceeded.  
Love plays tricks on my eyes. I think I can see him.  
But wait! 'Tis not an illusion I'm seeing!

 **Enter Thomas from left.**

 _Thomas_

Fair tidings, m'lady. I'm here for a special.

 _Rosie (aside)_

He calls me his lady! My face flushes redder than my paint!

 _Thomas_

I'm taking Henry's goods train. The one from yesterday?

 _Rosie_

Yes, indeed. You must be a very strong engine to be able to pull that lot.

 **Rosie shunts Thomas' trucks behind him.**

 _Thomas_

Thank you, Rosie. I'll see you soon!

 **Exit Thomas and Trucks on right.**

 _Rosie (aside)_

"Soon" is not enough for me. I wish he would never leave.  
Look at him steam away with that train. He's pulling that no problem.  
If I'd never see him again I'd never end my grieve.  
Farewell, blue tank engine, and-

 **Enter James from left.**

 _James_

Rosie, where are mine cars? What have you done with them?

 _Rosie (aside)_

Cinders and ashes! How long has he been there? A second? Ten minutes?  
I must get Thomas out of my smokebox and focus!

 _Rosie_

What cars do you mean, James?

 _James_

The cars that Henry was pulling when he had his accident. Sir Topham Hatt has ordered they be at Bridlington by dusk.

 _Rosie_

Oh, yes. Those cars are very important. That's why Thomas came so… early… James?

 _James_

What's Thomas got to do with it? Did he… take mine train?

 _Rosie (aside)_

I have been fooled! My lust hath blinded me!  
James' train has been stolen by my object of desire.  
My infinite love for Thomas slowly purges,  
As a punishment might await for my foolishness.

 **Exit Rosie and James. Enter Thomas and Trucks on balcony.**

 _Thomas_

Sometimes thou hast to get up early!  
If there's some place thou really want to be!  
Sometimes thou hast to be awake before the dawn!  
Sometimes you're up and out before they know you're gone!  
Somebody hath to beest the favorite!  
And this time it's going to beest me!  
This time it's going to beest me!

 _Truck 1_

Are we there yet?

 **Exit Thomas and Trucks.**


	5. Act II, Scene I

**England**

 **Enter Thomas and Trucks from left.**

 _Thomas_

I'm on an adventure; my biggest yet.  
Departed my branch line for Bridlington.  
I've stolen these cars but I have no regret.  
While I'm here I should take this view in.  
Look at that great big building over there  
I doth wonder what that factory makes.  
Furniture, machines, or products for hair?  
Shovels, or notebooks, or what about cakes?  
And using my big black eye I can spot,  
A house colored just my shade of light blue.  
On Sodor that color used on houses nought.  
It makes me envious of this grand view.

 _Truck 2_

What are you going on about Thomas?

 _Thomas_

Everything! Look around you! 'Tis like a breath of fresh air!

 _Truck 1 (aside)_

Aye. We are all the troublesome trucks.  
As such we have received world tours de-luxe.  
We've been desensitized to the world around.  
Or is Thomas blind, to his island bound?  
The world to us appears all boring and green.  
Maybe that's why we're all hyper and mean.  
Nonetheless, we are all here for the ride.  
Though I'm more in'trested in this truck's backside.

 _Thomas_

Say, a junction's up ahead! Wonder what that's called on the map…

 _Truck 1_

 _Maybe it's Confusington!_

Truck 2

Castle Who-knows-where!

 _Thomas_

Prithee, calm down for a moment.  
I need to re-evaluate where we're going.

 _Truck 1_

 _How about Lostville?_

Truck 2

Or No Map Central!

 **Enter Hiro from left. Exit Hiro on right.**

 _Thomas_

Shut up! You distracteth mine driver!  
We're on the wrong path! Oh I pray we don't perish!  
When we get out of this tunnel your blood on my buffers will finish!


End file.
